i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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