I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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