I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
