Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
