If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
