Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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