SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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