Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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