Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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