can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
