Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
