My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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