I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
