Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize