I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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