i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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