The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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