On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
