eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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