I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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