Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
