I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
