Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
