i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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