sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
