I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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