Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
