You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize