You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
