You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
