I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You did what with his pubic hair?
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