I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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