some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
