Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
