Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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