I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
