oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
