Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
