Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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