i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
