my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize