At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
