So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
