I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
