What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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