I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
