your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
