I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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