that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
