I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
