i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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