My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
