yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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