Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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