i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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