Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
