It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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