I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
