he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
