he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
