This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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