Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
