What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
