I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
