I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My feet surprised me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
