Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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