he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
