i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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