my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
