hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
